Feeling overwhelmed, lacking energy and letting your emotions get the best of you? I can totally relate. Day to day life as a single parent is never easy. Often we think things are awful in the marriage and you’re better off in divorce, but financially, emotionally and physically the process of getting through the days after divorce seem insurmountable.
Feeling overwhelmed
I remember the days I thought if I ever got more than 4 solid hours of sleep again I would be forever grateful. I was a business owner and worked around the hours my kids were at school or in bed. Consequently that often meant going into the office from 8pm – 2am. Of course, as a single parent maintaining a home, getting kids to and from activities, etc. with no help was physically and emotionally exhausting.
I got through feeling overwhelmed, as we all do, but I’m not hear to tell you “it’s ok, this too shall pass”. Truth is I hate those cliches. In the moment of feeling exhausted no one needs to hear that they’re not to worry one day they will get plenty of rest. No, you want rest right now! You deserve to have a life through the child rearing years, and you deserve peace, fun and laughter.
I can offer some tips on how to care for your needs as a single parent and support you in defining what works best for you. The time spent with a coach is invaluable as it alleviates you having to shoulder all the thinking. As a coach I help my clients discern ways of managing time more effectively and how to free up space for their own needs. I’m sure you are aware of how important it is to take care of yourself, but as a single parent you are the last person who usually gets taken care of.
Let me be the one to yell out loud and tell you that you can’t maintain the same pace you did before divorce. You can’t hide the fact that life just isn’t the same any more. Your children know life has changed and trying to hide the pain and overwhelm may seem constructive, but is it? As a concerned parent we never want to psychologically “damage” our children. Well, in my opinion the majority of parents do not give their children enough credit for the insight they have.
Not only that, by not allowing your feelings to be expressed and covering up the fact that all is not the same as before you are not allowing your children to express their feelings. Now, I’m not saying play the blame game or mourn your losses forever, but allow yourself to feel vulnerable, hurt, angry, tired, helpless. Give yourself permission to “feel” what’s going on inside of you. Don’t suppress those emotions and create disease within. Don’t teach your children to suppress their emotions.
Honesty and respect are essential in life if you want success. Children of divorce need to honor their parents despite divorce. Children respond to routine, rules and consequences despite all the complaining. Children need parenting.
What To Do When You Feel Overwhelmed
When you are feeling overwhelmed consult your doctor, therapist, counselor or life coach and get the support and help you, as a single parent, need to release the pent-up emotions so you can move forward with a more empowered life. If you can’t be the pillar of strength for your children get support, now. Talk to the school counselor, doctor or therapist and make them aware of what your child is going through while discussing the best options to help them.
Divorce is not a life sentence, but unless everyone can release the emotional overwhelm effectively and learn how to re-design the future those emotions will create limiting beliefs that will arise time and time again. Discover how to clear the clutter, re-organize your life and plan each day with less stress and more fun. We all hear “don’t sweat the small stuff” but do we heed the advice? Well eliminate the small stuff, organize your time more efficiently and bring joy back into your home. Laugh, love and live fully.
Develop your confidence and empower your children to develop theirs. Let go of what doesn’t really matter for the moment. Laugh more and create living memories for you and your children. The benefits are life-long and completely worthwhile.
When you feel inspired with a specific plan of action you can use your time more wisely. Single parents who take care of their needs are not selfish, they are caring, loving and nurturing. How, what and when you start to consider your wants and desires teaches your children respect for you and for themselves. You are the model they look up to and how you set examples is how they form beliefs. Empower your children to make informed decisions that serve them throughout their life.
Start today by taking action to look after what is important for your health and well-being. Love yourself first and teach your children to love them selves. Decide what you want and prioritize your lists. Hand over what you can’t or don’t want to do to the universe and ask for help. Delegate and let others be apart of the process with you.
