Since your divorce do you have a fear of commitment? Stress of divorce and process of going through separation and divorce is never easy. No matter what the circumstances leading up to divorce we often ask ourselves where we failed. We all commit to our spouse in marriage and once that commitment has been broken we feel pangs of doubt or guilt. Fear has a way of rearing its’ ugly head despite what we know, think, or believe
My motto is that if we never feel fear then we’re too living too much in our ego-centric mind. That’s not to say we want or need to remain in fear but I think fear can be healthy. Fear warns us of impending danger. Fear teaches us valuable lessons about ourselves.
Recognizing, acknowledging and appreciating our fear for what it is, is a process. It’s facing our fear, moving past it to a state of feeling better that feels more empowering and engaging is the lesson.
Fear of commitment
If you feel “stuck” in the fear you need help. If you allow your fear to control your emotional state of well-being you suffer needlessly. You are doing harm to yourself, no one else.
By definition a commitment is a pledge or agreement, a legally binding promise or engaging yourself in a promise. Your marriage was a commitment to love and in divorce that pledge has been broken. That does not mean you need to have a fear of commitment from that day forward. It’s the emotional attachment to the pledge and how the pledge has been broken that hurts
When you can learn to observe your thoughts and feelings as though you are a third party and set aside the emotional attachment you can often eliminate the fear. See the broken commitment for what it was. With time and support you move forward. In releasing our fears we gain our power. When we stand in our power and appreciate the lessons we’ve learned from experiences, no matter how hurtful at the time we are able to be empowered.
That’s not to preclude that all commitments are wrong, hurtful, or to be broken. It is the person, people or circumstances that broke the commitment. A commitment between two people is just that, a commitment between two people. If, or when one person is less committed than the other the trust is broken. That is not to be feared!
The very first chapter of my book is appreciating the ‘value’ of a commitment. Whether committing to yourself, to your children, to a spouse or to a circumstance, when you appreciate the value of making a commitment you are more likely to maintain focus on following through. Do not lose sight of that value because one (albeit huge) commitment has been broken.
Take back the power in you! Value yourself, because you are what matters. You are here to live fully. You were born to experience life with all the emotions that play out in it. Learn to take the feelings that don’t feel good and turn them around. Make inspiring choices that do feel good and enjoy the experience of them.
No one but you suffers from what you are feeling more than you. Your anger, guilt, or fear are hurting you and only you can choose to let that go or remain in that feeling.
