As a parent all you need to do is listen sometimes. Children of divorce go through an internal cyclone of emotions and if they can’t openly talk about what they’re feeling it gets bottled up. They need to ask questions and feel the answers are truthful. They need to be heard just like anyone else. They suffer the effects of divorce (they are not the problem) and consequently their needs must be appreciated and listened to. Children of divorce need you to listen no matter how painful it may feel for you.
Going through the processes of separation and divorce is emotional, financial and effects all aspects of life previously lived in a marriage. Stress of divorce affects people differently. Even the smoothest transitions have consequences. It’s often in the time initially following the decision to separate that adults feel over whelmed with all the effects while the children sit, watch and listen in the background.
Divorce and children
Children over hear things that can be misinterpreted. Depending on their age, and how they process the information the effects vary. Some isolate, some act out and many hold onto the grief of divorce for years.
Every child has a way of coping or not coping. As individual, as we all are no matter how similar our environment, the information communicated to us, is perceived as different.
Witnessing an accident 10 people have 10 stories on how it happened, and each story may change 10 times depending on information received after the initial accident. Never assume your child, or anyone for that matter doesn’t feel or hear what’s happening around them. Even in their sleep they are receiving information vibrationally. It is important to establish time routinely set aside to effectively listen and communicate individually with your children. The insistent “mommy, mommy” or “daddy, daddy” is a need to feel heard. Don’t ignore it!
Control your own emotions
Set aside your own emotions as difficult as they may be and listen to your children. Be honest, respectful and hear what they have to say. Try not to give more information than currently being asked for. When they need more information they will ask if you are direct, honest and willing to listen. Be perceptive to their moods. Ask questions only when you are willing to listen to the answers.
The over whelm your child is going through could be related to something completely different than what you assume. What you are emotionally dealing with may not be at all what they are dealing with. There is life outside of divorce. Kids are kids first and foremost, and they are only children for a short time. Support and guide them to feel inspired, happy and free of the emotional effects of divorce.
Whatever is going on in the moment is only in the moment. All situations change so be inspirational in empowering the change to feel good.
Get the support and guidance you need. Seek professional help from someone who inspires you to feel better and empowered.
